Sex Talk(s)
by KitKatt0430
Summary: A handful of conversations held over several months as Cisco and Hartley slowly delve back into the sexual side of their marriage, after an encounter with a meta scrambled Cisco's memories of the last six years. Though they've both got hang ups to move past, they're supporting each other every step of the way.


Summary: There's never really just one sex talk in an intimate relationship. It's a discussion that happens again and again as boundaries shift over time, new kinks are discovered, or trauma creates new triggers.

A handful of conversations held over several months as Cisco and Hartley slowly delve back into the sexual side of their marriage, after an encounter with a meta scrambled Cisco's memories of the last six years. Though they've both got hang ups to move past, they're supporting each other every step of the way.

Notes: Follows after "Broken Like Me"

Content Warnings: Discussions about sex, kinks, boundaries, consent, and mentions of past abuse (verbal and physical) and past rape/non-con

_**Sex Talk(s)**_

Cisco paused the show and took Hartley's hands in his own. "Are you okay? We can watch something else."

"I… yeah. I'd like to watch something else." Hartley's voice shook a little and he found himself engulfed in a hug from his husband. "Sorry." Sometimes he could handle _Game of Thrones_. Tonight was not one of those nights.

"Hey, it's okay. Do you want to tell me about what's wrong?" Cisco's voice was gentle and Hartley had no doubt that if he said 'no' that Cisco would drop it. They'd rewatch _Star Trek_ for the umpteenth time and cuddle and Cisco would comfort Hartley when he inevitably woke up from a nightmare in the early morning hours.

But this was something Cisco needed to know about Hartley. Something he'd told Cisco before, but an encounter with a meta capable of inducing amnesia had wiped away six years worth of memories that were filtering back ever so slowly. Hartley couldn't just wait for Cisco to remember this on his own; Cisco deserved to be treated better than that and… well… there was no guarantee Cisco would remember.

"My first boyfriend," Hartley said quietly, pulling out of Cisco's embrace and sitting up straight, "was in college. A guy named Earl. He was… he was older than me and charismatic. Charming. He also got drunk a lot and when he was drunk he was violent. And he… he didn't like taking no for an answer."

"Hartley..." Cisco's eyes were suspiciously misty. "Did he..."

"He… he raped me." Hartley's voice cracked a little. Saying it… saying it never got easier. "It's not something I like talking about. For a long time I couldn't admit even to myself what he did really was. Because that way I could pretend to have had control over what happened.

"So sometimes the shows we watch or the books we read… or the fanfiction we read… its triggering for me. _Game of Thrones_ isn't an easy watch for me, but I enjoyed watching it with you the first time around and I'd like to watch it all the way through with you again. But that means taking it slow because some days I know I'm not up for how violent this show gets, especially with its sexual violence. And some days I think I'll be fine with it and then it turns out I'm not."

Cisco nodded. "Are you okay with cuddling right now? Because I… I'd really like to hold you, if that's okay."

Hartley immediately darted forward, snuggling into Cisco's arms again.

"I know all my reasons for not being ready for us to have sex yet, but I'm guessing this contributes to your reasons?" Cisco asked, turning off the blu-ray and switching them to netflix.

As they settled more comfortably on the couch, Hartley said, "yes. It does. I… honestly, I know rationally you'd never agree to have sex if you weren't fully ready to consent to it. But right now part of me is terrified that… that I'm pushing you into this relationship that… that if we had sex you'd be doing it to make me happy not because you want it." He couldn't look at Cisco as he spoke, tears pricking at his eyes.

"Hey," Cisco cupped Hartley's face gently. "You would never take advantage of me like that. That first night we were here after my memories were lost, you walked into the kitchen shirtless and I was so flustered and confused and uncomfortable. And I didn't know what I wanted. But you took action to make me feel more comfortable, to respect my boundaries even when I had trouble articulating what those boundaries were. You'd have kept sleeping in the guest room if I hadn't asked you to join me in our bed. You'd still be sleeping there if you thought that was what I needed from you. I feel so safe with you, Hartley. When we have sex again, it'll be full of some very, very enthusiastic consent on my part."

Now Hartley was definitely crying a little. "I love you," he muttered quietly, covering Cisco's hands with his own. His heart felt so full of love at the moment, he couldn't not say the words. He'd been trying to avoid saying it, though, knowing it made Cisco feel awkward for not being able to say it back yet.

"I know," Cisco replied with a smile and…

"Are you Han Solo-ing me?"

"There's something I want to say, but I can't say it yet. Seems like I can talk around it, though." Cisco brought their foreheads together for a moment. "I'm getting there. And I might have to take a page out of your book at some point, but I'm getting there."

* * *

"I am not going to say no to hearing you talk about what you like during sex," Cisco paused a beat then added, "in fact I may like it too much and take a few minutes to myself in the bathroom to calm down."

"Then note that I really enjoy listening to you jerk yourself off in the shower." Hartley smirked as Cisco blushed. "My sense of hearing is really intense. So just listening to you, panting and cursing to yourself as the noise from the shower outlines your body and your hand makes this soft… almost shushing noise as it pumps your cock..."

Cisco whined low in his throat. "Fuck. That's… fuck. Okay, I like it when you talk dirty. Wow."

"Your eyes are blown so wide right now," Hartley muttered breathlessly. Then he shook his head and took a deep, shuddering breath. Let it out slowly. "Right, that's… not the kind of sex talk we should be having right now, though. We should be discussing… safe words. And boundaries. Just because I remember you enjoying spanking, for example, doesn't necessarily mean its an allowed thing for us right now. So I need to know where your boundaries are at just as much as you need to know what mine are."

"At some point we can get back to you describing what it sounds like when I jerk off in the shower, though. Because… wow." Cisco ran a hand through his hair, thoroughly mussing his long, soft, silky tresses. "Okay, so… safe words. What safe words do we normally use? I… I think I remember kangaroo being one?"

Hartley laughed, looking pleased. "Yeah, kangaroo is one of our safe words and you have no one to blame for that ridiculous choice but yourself. And whatever animal planet type documentary you were watching on netflix at the time."

"Well, it's not like we're likely to cry out Kangaroo passionately in the throws of amazing sex," Cisco pointed out, pouting a little and making Hartley giggle again.

"That's almost word for word your reasoning for picking it," Hartley informed him with a grin. "I picked koala for the same reasons." Then he frowned a little. "It's pretty rare for either one of us to feel the need to safe word out of sex, we're usually pretty good about checking in with each other before it gets to that point. Though one time my brain blanked on both words and I ended up saying 'they're both marsupials' and you immediately backed off, but you were… you were trying to find out if I was okay and trying not to laugh at the same time."

Cisco snorted softly. "That is kind of funny, in a 'the safe words still managed to function right so we were okay' sort of way."

"We were okay," Hartley agreed. "We also discovered that while I'm okay having my hands and arms bound by slip knots, I'm very much not okay having my legs tied down." He relaxed a little as Cisco's hand slid against his own in a silent ask to tangle their fingers together.

"Alright. So kangaroo and koala and marsupial are all our safe words," Cisco declared solemnly, giggling when Hartley wrinkled his nose and groaned. "I stand by marsupial being on the list."

"Whatever," Hartley sighed. "We both like role-playing. Both coming up with the scenes and with acting them out. I don't like scenes that involve me being punished for something. Chip… Chip liked to punish me for the most minor of things and then gaslight me about it later. So I don't..."

"Do I like getting punished during scenes?" Cisco asked, gently changing the subject. "Because that does kind of sound kinky and intriguing and you mentioned spanking. Which I don't remember ever being spanked before but I… um… that possibility is definitely a turn on now that I'm thinking about it."

Hartley snorted in amusement, loosening back up again. "Yeah, you like spanking. Either my hand or very soft paddles. We haven't tried anything harder mostly because I'm not comfortable smacking that gorgeous ass of yours with anything that'd be more painful than those."

"Fuck," Cisco choked out, eyes gone glassy.

"Remembering or imagining?" Hartley asked innocently.

"Either? Both? Did we role-play me being the naughty Hufflepuff seventh year caught out in the library after curfew by you, the sexy Ravenclaw head boy?"

"Yes, we did. Used the robes from our Harry Potter Convention cos-plays," Hartley hummed in amusement. "We ended up breaking character early, though, because you liked being spanked more than either of us had anticipated. It was really fucking hot and you were begging me to fuck you. Normally I'm more of the pushy sub type than you are; it was really hot having that dynamic reversed."

"This is a wonderful conversation," Cisco muttered, pleased. Then, in a more normal tone, he said, "but you don't like being spanked, which ties in to the whole not liking being punished during a scene."

Hartley nodded. "That's right. I'm not a fan of being spanked. You really don't like being tied down, at all. You called a yellow light during a couple of our scenes that involved tying your arms up, but you weren't sure at first it was was being restrained that bothered you specifically or just the type of restraints we were using. Turned out to be pretty much every type of restraint we used, though.

"On the other hand, I've very much enjoyed being all tied up when we've had scenes where Vibe rescues the very enthusiastically grateful civilian from the big, bad supervillain." Hartley batted his eyes at Cisco, "oh, however can I repay you for saving me, Vibe." His eyes flicked down and he smirked to see Cisco's pants looking a little tight. "Is there something I could do for you?"

"Oh, that's… that sounds like a fun scene. Can… can I kiss you? I really want to kiss you..."

Hartley leaned in and kissed Cisco, enjoying the heat that built between them before they each reluctantly pulled away, panting for breath and lips swollen. "I've got quite the praise kink too, so there's that."

"So I can go on and on about how good you've been to me, how safe you've made me feel, how supportive you've been..." Cisco looked pleased as he trailed off and Hartley couldn't help the little whine he made in response. "Well that's just delightful."

"We um… we also… we check in with each other during scenes or when we try something new during sex. Using the red, yellow, green colors." Hartley was blushing hard now and Cisco stroked his cheek.

"What color are you feeling right now?" he asked.

"Green. You?"

"Very green. Do you think I could talk you into a hand job? In the bedroom," Cisco's eyes shifted to the cage with the rats in it up against the wall behind the couch. "I wasn't joking about not wanting the rats to stare at us."

"We still have a lot to discuss," Hartley protested. But he was also already standing up and offering Cisco a hand up.

"We'll get there. Might have to have several talks and hand jobs, but I'm totally okay with this plan. I just… I really, really want your hand on my dick right now."

Hartley's eyes fluttered shut for a moment. "I also like it when you talk dirty. God, you're voice gets just so… you could make me come from your voice and foreplay alone."

"Have I actually done that?"

Hartley dragged Cisco into a dirty kiss that was answer enough, for now.

* * *

"Yes. You've made me come from your voice and hands alone and it was fucking torturous just how long it took before I finally climaxed. It was amazing and I was so strung out afterwards, but we've been too impatient to replicate it since," Hartley groaned as Cisco's fingers finally snuck below the waistline of his boxers.

"We still doing okay?" Cisco asked, kissing just below Hartley's ear and wrangling a moan from the other man.

"Green, so fucking green, don't stop," Hartley panted as Cisco's fingers finally circled around him to give an experimental tug.

* * *

There were certain words that, if Cisco said them in the right tone, made Hartley's eyes go near-instantaneously dark with want. They weren't even sexy words. Just ordinary, every day words.

Well, okay, some were sexy words. Like condom.

"Do we still use condoms when we have sex or..." Cisco smirked when he saw how dark Hartley's eyes had suddenly gone. "Is it talking about sex in general that just turned you on or..."

"That, yes, but also the way you say condom should be a sin," Hartley muttered, blushing and ducking his head. "Yes and no. We still use condoms for some things but not all. We stopped using them for blow jobs after we both got clean bills of health on our second round of STD tests after we started dating." Hartley picked at the blanket on the couch for a moment then said, "Earl tracked me down about three years after we broke up. He had HIV and he didn't… he didn't know if he'd contracted it while we were dating or not. I've never shown any sign of having it, always been negative in tests. But its… its something that for a long time I've been terrified that it's lurking inside me. I wanted to be absolutely sure before we stopped using condoms but… I'll never be a hundred percent sure. Not really.

"But we ended up discussing my fears with my therapist and while you'd have been fine if we just always used condoms for everything… I desperately wanted to know what you tasted like. Condoms taste terrible; you taste amazing."

Cisco gave a nervous little laugh. "So no condoms for blow jobs. Penetrative sex?"

"Sometimes. Depends on how much cleanup we're willing to do after. Condoms make cleanup so much easier. Always use condoms or dental dams for rimming, though. It's… it's a hygiene thing. I can't stand kissing after rimming if we haven't used some kind of mouth guard – whether its a condom that's been repurposed or an actual dental dam – because its just..." Hartley wrinkled his nose. "It's a hygiene thing," he repeated. "But any of that you're not comfortable with, we can change."

"I know. But I think I'm okay with where we're at with using protection during sex. I'm definitely fine with the hygiene concerns for rimming… and also pretty good at turning condoms into other uses, including an inflatable balloon." Cisco beamed while Hartley snorted and rolled his eyes.

"Yeah, I've heard the stories about you and your stoner roommate from college."

"I think I'm still facebook friends with him."

"You are. He's still a stoner, but at least it's legal for him to buy pot where he lives these days," Hartley snickered.

"I'm glad that's working out for him."

* * *

"So, toys?" Cisco held up a purple anal plug and Hartley's mouth went dry.

"Yeah… toys," and Hartley would deny he said that breathlessly if asked, but he wanted to take his pants off, bend over, and have Cisco slide that toy – all lubed up of course – into Hartley's ass.

It had been way too long since Hartley'd had anything up there and he was abruptly aching for it. The anal plug, a vibrator, Cisco's dick… he wasn't picky, just very, very horny.

"That one's got a remote control," Hartley prompted.

"Found that too," Cisco dropped that on the coffee table while Hartley came over and settled next to him on the couch. "And the rest of our little stash, which is where the lube and condoms are too. I remembered all of a sudden where we keep the sex toys and, uh, very vivid flashback to using vibrating anal beads on you."

Hartley squirmed a little. "My ass is very, very sensitive. Those toys feel so amazing when you use them on me."

"Yeah, all that moaning..." Cisco's voice went a little deeper from arousal and… Hartley couldn't help himself.

"Do you want to use that plug on me now? Because I would very much like that."

"I… yes… yeah, that's… I should get the lube." Cisco stood up and swayed a little, blood clearly rushing southward given the growing tent in his pants.

"Not concerned about the rats watching?" Hartley teased. "Or should I follow you into the bedroom."

"If you don't mind Remy and Emil watching your ass as I slide this inside and play with the settings to see which one makes you moan the most wantonly, then I'm okay with us staying out here," Cisco replied, looking a little smug when Hartley was the one glancing uneasily at the rat cage.

"… uh… using the anal plug always makes me want to ride you afterwards. Or get utterly fucked into the sheets." Hartley flushed, nervously. "Are you… ready for that? Because we don't have to… I mean, obviously we don't have to..." he trailed off as Cisco kissed him softly.

"I'd like that. Maybe we should take this to bed after all." The look in Cisco's eyes had Hartley scrambling to his feet to follow his husband to their bedroom.

* * *

"Sweetheart, what's wrong?" Hartley asked, settling on the couch beside Cisco and gently taking his husband's hand in his own.

"Nothing," Cisco shook his head and smiled even though his face was wet with tears.

"You're crying," Hartley pointed out, a touch flatly.

"Happy tears, bae." Cisco tugged Hartley closer. "I just… I remembered the first time we had penetrative sex where I was the one bottoming and… you know I'd never done that before, right?"

Hartley nodded. "I wanted to make it really good for you. So even if you didn't end up liking it, you wouldn't regret trying."

"You did make it really good for me," Cisco assured him. "You drove me so crazy with your fingers I thought for sure I'd come before I had you inside me. You felt so good..." Cisco snuggled against Hartley's shoulder. "You made me feel precious and loved. It was really intense, even just to remember."

"Well you are precious," Hartley murmured, pressing a kiss against Cisco's hair. "And very loved."

Quietly, Cisco replied, "I love you too, Hart." It was still so new, Cisco being able to say that back, and it made Hartley's heart leap with joy to hear.


End file.
